Long in the tooth...

So I have NOT seen This is 40 - and hear it is funny. I do hope to see it, to relate to its antidotes and laugh. I imagine this film involves humorous escapades about what it means to be 40 in 2012, raising small children (when one should be sending them to college) and the realization you are no longer 25 - a la Hollywood style.

I could use this fantasy version of 40, because my friends at 43 - this is when shit gets real...

40, 41 and 42 were relatively easy.  Besides the initial shock of turning 40 - you really don't encounter too much difference from say 39. However halfway through 43 I have come to realize that the age trajectory is no longer up and that my official entry to senior citizenship is as close in years as my college graduation...

Some of my other findings for your amusement...

1.  You have to wax less as your hair starts to thin out and grow less.  
The bad news?  This also applies to your head and eyelashes. Recently I have started noticing my hair becoming increasingly uncooperative and my eyelashes - which used to be so long they hit my eyeglasses - are now barely noticeable without mascara.  An eyelash curler - which I formally shunned as archaic and pointless - has become a daily ritual.

2.  If you are hoping to lose 10 lbs and rock that pre baby dress - you better go buy some spanx - because you have missed that weight loss boat.  You are officially middle aged and this is as good as you will get.  This is not your 30s where a diet works.  You may lose 10 lbs - but it will involve large amounts of adderal.  If you exercise - you could do a thousand sit ups a day - but that belly fat will barely budge.  You have officially hit that the age where you now work out to stay "healthy". 

3. Take a good look at your Mother's butt.  Yours looks more like it now, than not.

4.  Botox does NOT look real.  As tempting as it may be to erase away those lines - even rat poison can't hide the years.  You end up looking like a very scary old person.  Or like this famous plastic surgeon - who regularly uses botox and plastic surgery to maintain this youthful look. Seriously people pay big money to see him???  Scary!

5.  Your period gets worse - not better.

6.   Your free living Gatsby days are gone.  You can try to relive them - but your hangover and kids will be a great reminder that you can't party like you used to.  No kids? Even better - now you look like that old person trying to stay relevant by buying everyone drinks.  Or the lady who is cool - but reminds everyone of their Mom drunk.

7. Taking off your skinny jeans is an exhausting exercise and a harsh reminder of your increasing lack of flexibility.

8.  The only people who can (or rather should) go braless are your friends with boob jobs.

9.  Just as your parents saved for your college - it is now your turn to save for them and their potential need for care.

10.  Life gets very real, as much as you want to ignore it old age things start to happen - like illness and cancer.

Not to be a Debbie Downer - but as much as I love Disneyworld - I am also a realist.  Even Johnny Depp needs good lighting now and it is a reminder to myself to enjoy what I have and what I had. Just 40 short years ago when my Grandmother was in her 40s - it was a much different story.  Matronly would be a good adjective to describe it - and we have come a long way baby.

On another note, some very wonderful things are happening - my creativity has never been stronger and while I may be an old Mom - having a 5 year old boy has given me the opportunity to see things and experience life through his unjaded eyes.  I now study the universe and science along with him and learn something new every day. 
  
I also think you look your best at 40.  Your looks start to reflect the life you have led - and my 40 something friends are now at their most beautiful.  The wisdom on their faces is enchanting and I have never been prouder to see them earning accolades at the height of their career.

While my cousin said 30 was a turning point for her - I am a slow learner and I finally feel at 43 that I know myself.  I know what I like and don't like, I know who I like and don't like and I don't waste time bothering with the don't likes.  Because life is too short and one no longer has the luxury of letting another 10 years to pass before figuring it all out. 

For better or for worse, I have spent enough years worrying about my size, my hair, my butt  - but now that is released.  It is not like my butt will be smaller when I am 50 lol.  I am enjoying my food, my spinning, my health and my life.  

Because one thing with getting older - the things that used to matter are no longer important.

As for the title of this blog - I learned the meaning of that this weekend as I noticed that my gums have receded so much - my Mom said - well now you are long in the tooth. 

I guess I am - and that is okay with me.

Simply, 

Christine






 

Marlene can clean...

Let me first preface this blog post with the following  - as I value your readership:
 a.  No real insight will be reached by reading this post
b.  It is 100% completely and utterly entitled, somewhat lacking of gratitude and very insignificant in the scheme of the world problems and my own
c.  I hope you can either relate, laugh and not hate me after reading

However every week it rears its ugly head and I turn into an ungrateful, complaining, mean person - per my husband.  My cleaning lady drives me crazy.  Bat shit crazy.

Marlene is the sweetest, kindest person you could meet - or so it seems.  And one of the most fastidious cleaning persons I have ever had.

However she drives me crazy.  Bat shit crazy.

Secretly I think she knows she is annoying me - but hinds behind the language barrier.  But my husband says I should be ashamed of my behavior.  

Our relationship started out as BFFs with OCD.  She loved to clean and I loved that she loved to clean. Our previous house helper never touched my fridge - on her first day Marlene took out my entire fridge and wiped it so clean - even the ketchup bottle was smiling.

The person who recommended her warned me.  His girlfriend made him fire her.  Why I asked she is amazing?  "Well he says I just like my stuff to stay a certain way."

I never understood this - but now I do.

Example A - my toothbrush and my husband's.  You might think this was an arts and crafts project gone awry in my bathroom - however my Sonicare was reduced to MULTIPLE stickers, due to not once, not twice but over three times Marlene cleaned them and the base and put mine to the right and Todd's to the left.  This was always discovered AFTER the fact I used my husbands toothbrush not once, not twice, but over three times.

Funny how this would not have bothered me the first 20 years of living together - however let me just fill you in if you haven't gotten there yet - the first 20 years are spent attached to one another - the next 20 years are spent getting as far away from one another as you can.

No this not only bothers me - it makes me sick to my stomach.  My awesome 5 year old suggested the nail polish, sticker and labeling.

Example B - the use and storage of cleaning products

As most of you know - I am the proud creator of a line of natural cleaning products.  I did this in my kitchen and created them all myself - it is a subject near and dear to my heart.  

Marlene knows this.

However she still asks for toxic cleaning products to clean the stainless steel - which my surface cleaner does beautifully - but doesn't leave the waxy build up - aka shiny surface - the toxic one does.  She also insists on moving our sponges and soap to an ENTIRELY different area and creating this lovely sponge storage case out of my empty Trader Joe's espresso bean box.

She has run over my Miele vacuum cleaner cord so many times the cord is more silver with electrical tape patches, than it is regular black cord.  She has pointed out embarrassing stains and asked me what they are and what to do.

These are petty I know and I can hear my Mother, Grandmother and atheist husband telling me I am going to hell for this - but hear me out.

Four times in less than a year - she asked me if I was pregnant.  Yes as I bent over to get a water and my belly fat dangles there for all to see - or perhaps it was a day where I actually felt good about myself and wore a clingy dress - Marlene asks me if I am with child.

Marlene has been told three times in English, Spanish and Chinese to cover all bases -  that I am not pregnant and have no plans to be pregnant. Oh she says it just looked like...

Whatever Marlene.

She points out our expired food, the rips in my duvet, the stains on my sons clothes and ultimately it makes me feel bad.

While I love my working life - I also never got to stay at home and be an at home Mom.  I juggle it as best as I can and am there more than most - but I spend more time at Good Home, than my own good home.

So I remind myself of this - tell Marlene that I can put away my little boys clothes myself thank you and while I wish I could have another kid (sort of), I don't think I will.

We are thankful for all that Marlene brings our family and I am grateful for her amazing cleaning skills - particularly after a week of the stomach flu.  

Marlene will stay, but I can't help but smile when my little boy can't find that Lego he left in a specific place and yells out (just like me) to the air - 

Maaarrr leeeene - where did you put it???!!!

Simply,

Christine

Feeling your insignificance...

 

I don't know about you, but I tend to magnify my importance and my problems.

Shocking I know, but the truth.  

I get caught up in my troubles and stresses, other people's struggles, my business, my kid, my husband, the cold sore on my lip and the zits on my chin and the dark roots in my hair (particularly the dark roots in my hair).

It is all an amazing spiral of self obsession.  Done daily.

As the New Year approached, I found myself dreading it - not because I was going back to work - but for the busy month of travel and changes to my life that I have no control over.  January will be challenging and I really have been yearning for some sort of security and consistency for about 3 years...
You think I would have learned by now.

However, I did notice a lack of posting and discussion of resolutions on the social media and media networks in general.  No one is really talking about them.  Does anyone really give a shit if you or I complete a triathlon?  Is it we are all pretty much feeling challenged enough and the idea of putting another challenge into our lives seems ridiculous?  Are we no longer into judging ourselves and judging others for what they don't do?  

I kind of hope so.

I am all for setting goals and reaching for the best, however when the going gets tough, I find comfort in my insignificance.

Perhaps it is a built in safety net from failure, however I find that I can put things in perspective by a quick visit to the Museum of Natural History http://www.amnh.org/ and a matinee showing of Journey to the Stars will set me straight on how much I really matter http://www.amnh.org/exhibitions/space-shows/journey-to-the-stars.

A friend in the know told me that they had to be super careful the movie would not cause major depression, as it becomes quite clear after watching it that I and you - and even Mayor Bloomberg - are an insignificant spec in this vast universe.

Me I find it comforting.

So while you may make millions of dollars, be a pro-athlete, a big hedge fund guy on Wall St., Car Pool Mom, Chief of Anything, top in your class or even the President of the United States - in the grand scheme of things you are a blip.

Ego deflating I know - but it is also carte blanche to you and me to live a life we are proud of, unafraid of what others think and to take it at our own pace and not race, but rather grow and enjoy the ride.  

As self proclaimed ego maniacs Liam and Noel Gallagher wrote - 

Someday you will find me caught beneath the landslide - 
like a champagne super nova in the sky.

How beautiful.

Happy New Year.

Simply,

Christine

What is your Center?

  

A few weeks ago I took Rome to see Rise of the Guardians http://www.riseoftheguardians.com/. In case you are unfamiliar with the current G rated offerings - this is a movie about famous childhood guardians; the Sandman, the Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny and of course Santa Claus. As a lover of all things magical - Christmas, Disney World and Chanel Sequin Jackets - I was not seeing this as a test of my patience or sanity - but actually wanted to go with our 5 year old son.

If you have not seen it - here are the Cliff notes.

The "Boogie Man" (bringer of nightmares and played by Jude Law who can bring me a nightmare anytime) has made his way into the minds of young children. The Guardians have been called upon by the Man on the Moon to protect the kids and their beliefs of all things magical, before the world succumbs to darkness. The Boogie Man is pretty powerful - so the "Mom" (man on the moon) has created a new guardian to help - Jack Frost. Jack is a confused, yet fun loving young man - resembling a silver haired, young David Bowie - plunged into Guardianship and currently a rebel without a cause. until the Man on the Moon gives him one - to become a Guardian.

If I haven't lost you yet - here is what I really wanted to share... 

Jack is a loner and has given up on himself and his purpose. Since kids cannot see him - he is not perceived as real - and therefore he does not think he matters. In an attempt to help, wise and tattooed Santa Claus, (endearingly played by Alec Baldwin) him tells him -  

You must find your center.

As Santa explains - I am many layers - I am happy, I am sad, I can be strong and I can be jolly, but at my core, my center, I am filed with wonder. This is where all things in me stem from. My wonder of the world.

Well of course Jack is angry and pissed that he hasn't found his center yet and there you have the rest of the movie. But our friend does eventually find his center at the end - and he finds it is "fun". He creates snowball fights and sledding adventures and snowmen and days off school. His gift is to create fun and through fun, he is gifted with feeling whole.

As we welcome Christmas and all things wonderful - I want to put out there that we all think about our center and what you are put on this Earth to do and most importantly help your children find theirs. It is never too late and never too early. So many of us go through life drifting and wondering what our place is- trying to find it through various jobs, places and people. When it lives right inside us.

I believe that if our children were helped with their center and their gifts, that we could help them live much more joyous and fulfilled lives. Obstacles will come of course - life is messy and tragic - however having that center and knowing who you are and what you are here for can give us all a strong base to hold onto when times inevitably get tough and challenging. Kudos to Hollywood for creating a movie for kids with depth.

As we left the movie and walked - I asked my son if he knew his center yet. Not yet he said. And then my husband asked me if I knew mine. "Yes I said - I do know my center. No matter what I do - I must make things. I am a maker. Whether it be cooking or cleaning products or writing - I will always be making. This is my center."

Merry Christmas.

Simply,

Christine

A Christmas Card to The White House and Capitol Hill...

 

Dear Barack and John - 

Just wanted to drop you a quick line during this holiday season!  In case you don't remember, this is Christine here - a small business owner in New York City, a woman and a proud, working Mom.  

Well let me tell you 2012 started off with promise and it was nice to hear from you all and I saw you were quite busy.  Lot's of campaigning to do and trying to save your job.  Boy I know how that feels lol!   Exhausting isn't it?  You did good though - wow I mean $1 billion each http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/26/us/politics/obama-and-romney-raise-1-billion-each.html?_r=0 that is amazing and we were so glad to hear that.

We opened a retail store in 2008 as you may or may not know, but unfortunately it did not go as well as your campaign.  We put up a good fight though and the neighborhood loved it, but we just were not breaking even so we had to close it this year.  We too tried to raise money - but the banks just weren't lending.  A shame - just a few thousand would have come in handy. I can only imagine needing to raise one billion - boy oh boy.

We did manage to send you some money though and I swear you both said you were doing all sorts of things for small businesses, but it just didn't reach us - maybe we are too small?  Maybe you could check on that.

OH!  I almost forgot.  They did open up a homeless shelter right around the corner.  So many families in need and we were proud to see it happen - but strangely it was for drug addicted men who have a history of pedophilia and crime - not families.  I totally understand they need help too and that your neighborhoods probably don't have any open space - but unfortunately I had to then sell my apartment because our crime went up really high and I had a man from the shelter come after me in CVS pharmacy fully naked.  It was a little scary for my 5 year old.

How was the weather there?  Well Boy Howdy - it has been warm - why just yesterday it was almost 60 degrees!  You know I would say it was strange - but Todd and I were talking and said oh yeah it was like this last year too?!  Ha! Maybe we will get that Florida home after all and not even have to move!  Have to tell you we had a beach - yes a beach for a whole week just across the street. Right here in NYC.  Unfortunately so many others lost their actual homes.  That water came right up and took their homes away.  I know what it's like to be busy. It is not easy managing everything - so when FEMA and Red Cross couldn't seem to find everyone, we really banded together as a community.  food, clothes and shelter - we all provided what we could.

Maybe you could check in on that and see what happened at FEMA and Red Cross - drop them a line. 

Now I didn't want to mention it - as I heard on the news that you two have been fighting again - but we had another school shooting here.  It was so horrible and there truly are no words.  It was wonderful to see your compassion and words as a leader Barack.  Again I know you are busy, but I really hope you can fulfill your promise to ban assault weapons.  It would truly be a way to honor those lives lost and just maybe their parents and loved ones could feel that their country's leaders heard their guttural cries of pain.

Oh one last thing. I know you have to go on vacation now - but it would really be great if you could figure that fiscal cliff thing.  John I have to hand it to you - you sure are a quick thinker and boy you did waste a minute - it was like what 49 seconds www.nypost.com/p/news/national/pulling_fast_one_mq7Us7HxlIswOWQIAIsvzJ.  You really are impressive!  It would take me a good long day at least to really consider a proposal.  Wish I had those smarts - but guess that is why you are there leading Capitol Hill.

Well again don't want to bother you - but if you could figure it out it would be great.  I don't want to be a pest, but when you guys don't figure things out on time - it really starts to affect me and others.  See if you can't figure it out - then people and businesses get nervous and they don't buy anymore.  And I make things for sale.  If people don't buy - then my business can't survive.  I know times are tough and we must all cut back.  I swear I have - I closed my store, sold my apartment, moved and reduced expenses as much as I possibly can.  I guess I could keep living off of my savings and will, but if you could just try it would be appreciated.  I was hoping to use that savings for my son's college and our eventual retirement.

I know, I know I shouldn't have gone to art school and should have just went straight to Goldman, but dangit I had a dream and now here I am supporting a family and if you could just figure it out in the next week it would really help us.

Well listen - happy holidays - really - it's been great to have this time and nice catching up with you. And I want to thank you - I know you have a job and a boss to report to.  Say hi to the kids for us and hope to hear more from you next year.

Simply,

Christine

Game Over...

 

Today you will wake to the news reports of President Obama's speech to the community of Newtown, CT on how we will accept this no more.  We must protect our children first and politics second. You will also see self declared "conservative" Republican and now TV Showman, Joe Scarborough, declare his support of banning assault weapons.  It is now "hip" to be on the opposing side of the right to bear arms - well at least those that come out of a scene from Rambo - and the world is watching as the US comes to terms with yet another tragedy that they all hope the stupid "Americans" will learn from.  I would put down good money that some sort of ban and bill will get passed -

But at what cost? 20 lives too much.

As the news gets more and more graphically advanced - like the video games we should ban - we all become desensitized to the actual depth of tragedy this was for so many families as we see images of little faces who are gone flash on our screen.  I now have to turn the channel as Joe Scarborough hangs his head.  Call me insensitive, but I don't need to hear how this is just so hard for poor Joe as his own son has Aspergers and it just hits home.  No hitting home is walking into your daughter's bedroom this morning and not seeing her there because she was killed on Friday during morning meeting.

May this horrible tragedy not bring us endless news reports and sorrows from reporters -  but bring a conscious back into the minds of the creators of this world - the tech guys who create these video games (which we don't have to buy by the way) and turn their great talents to something more helpful to our society.  But until then it is up to us to buy or not buy for our kids and to actually be parents.

Let us all move forward  - unified and without argument - and support the ban on assault weapons in anyway we can.  AND get those who need mental health care - the best care they can get.  Let's not be fearful of those with mental care needs - but supportive.  I can see now how people will start categorizing those with Aspergers, ADD, Autism, OCD, Schizophrenia, etc.as potential killers, when it couldn't be further from the truth. 

And to those who think that assault weapons should NOT be banned from general public use?  You get to move now.  Pick another place to live, because we have suffered too much at your hand.  We have the right to bear arms - but if you want an assault weapon - then join the military.  I am sure they will show you how exciting and powerful it is to shoot someone - and you can also experience how much fun it is to be on the receiving end.  I hear those guys in Afghanistan are a riot.

Like 9/11, may everyone hold this in their heart but not just memorialize it and turn it into a place to reflect and say "I just can't imagine how horrible for those people."

Let us actually learn from this and make a change SO IT NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN. 

Pull the plug on this nonsense.  Game over. 

Simply,

Christine

Show me the Money...

Is tipping out of control?

So just when I thought I was living in the only building in NYC that didn't ask for tips - the ubiquitous box with the list of 25 people who make our building work on a daily basis was planted firmly in our lobby.

I must give this new building we moved to in March accolades for down playing the whole tipping thing though.  The doormen really have not changed and remain true to their character - those who were unhelpful still are and those who were helpful are not being more helpful than usual. It is a testament to our building Superintendent - who in my eyes really does see his job as a job and not a means to collect an obscene amount of cash at years end - for setting the tone.

However as I get ready to write a check out for cash in the amount of $500 - and we rent - AND FYI this is on the very LOW end in NYC, I have to wonder if tipping is out of control and at what point was it decided that a well paid person should be paid more?

Here is a short list of who we tip in NYC  - newspaper delivery person, babysitter/nanny, teacher, tutor, dry cleaner, building staff at home, building staff at work, UPS driver, hair cutter, hair colorist, house cleaner, facilist, garage attendants.  

Now I love all the people who I see on a regular basis who help make my life and my family's life easier, HOWEVER - what I am just not sure about is why the amount is so high?  

Take our building - I will write a check for $500, my husband will be fearful it isn't "enough" and all the while I am thinking this is almost 5 x the amount we spend on our own son for Christmas.  It just doesn't make sense.  Doesn't my exorbitant rent cover any of this?

Now I just changed hair colorists - after 10 years because I couldn't handle the 40 block commute to hell (also known as 5th Ave. and 57th St) -  however this person - who I regularly paid $275 every 8 weeks, plus $50 tip - would get an additional $50 cash and a small gift.  Is that insane?  Shouldn't I be getting a gift of Thanks for spending $5 grand a year with him?

And friends -  I am on the low end.  I want to say cheap - but when you give $500 to anyone I just can't seem to think that is cheap - no matter what my money bags husband says.

Our cleaning lady?  She gets a full days pay.  She works 6 days a week (by choice) and gets paid all in cash - no taxes.  You know how much that is?  I do, I figured it out - she makes $65K a year.  My husband says poor Marlene.  Poor Marlene?  Hell no.  Yes Marlene works hard - I work hard - WORK IS HARD people. 

We don't have a nanny - but those who do have one pay a hefty tip -  they get a full weeks pay - and they make up to $1200 in CASH every week.  I figured that out too - Almost $100K a year. 

So why not just give the traditional box of homemade cookies and buck the trend?  

Well it is pure fear and not imagined either.

That garage attendant we forgot to tip one year?  Two weeks later asked if we "got the card".  $100 stuffed in an envelope was immediately sent over - and that amount got our car parked under a leaky garage roof with crap dripping on it.  Our UPS driver unhappy with the amount  - didn't acknowledge our card and our drop offs came later and later.

It is hardcore here and if I did receive a Christmas bonus - it would all be going to someone else.  Instead it is just found money from our savings that should be stashed in my son's college account.

But the bigger question is why does one tip?  It used to be that exceptional service was the rule - a way to acknowledge someone doing a great job.  Now just being able to make a $5 latte in under 15 minutes seems to warrant another dollar.  What's next?  Pottery Barn?  Will there be a prompt at the end of the call to send the person on the phone who helped me $5?

Our building guys are great and I am no scrooge.  I want to acknowledge how thankful I am that they go the extra mile for us  - their work during the hurricane was exceptional. But the newspaper delivery person who chucks my paper and it lands splattered every morning down the hallway - I am not tipping you this year.  Because honestly you make my life harder and you will continue to throw my paper or not deliver it at all because you are running late - whether I tip you or not.  Should I pay you extra for that?  Not this year.

Like Wall Street, I just feel this trend needs to change - money needs to be respected and appreciated and if one of these people, who I already pay a decent  money to actually THANKED me for my business - well maybe it would be a different story.  

Simply,

Christine